If I had to go through last week again, I think I’d pass.
I had the most difficult two days with my foster son that I’ve ever had, dropped Riley off first thing Monday morning to go on his 8th grade class trip and then planned what I would do for AJ’s 16th birthday this week.
Watching your son leave for what would be a 5 day trip (3 days longer than I’ve ever had him away from me at a time), and realizing that your oldest is turning 16 is a lot to handle for a momma who is as close to her boys as I am to mine.
When you add the complete emotional exhaustion that comes from handling what I had to handle with my foster son this week, a lot of thoughts come to your head.
It’s crazy, really when you think about how much we can handle.
I am always aware of the fact that nothing is coming into my life that God hasn’t already approved.
I have to live that way.
The times I forget that? I have a hard time surviving.
Thankfully, I have surrounded myself with many, many people who remind me of that constantly!
And trust me, I need the reminders.
Last week, something hit me.
If you know me at all, you know that I talk a lot about the fact that God has a plan for every person’s life.
I also talk about how the enemy also has a plan for every person’s life.
This thought came to me after I realized that I wasn’t writing consistently on my blog anymore:
The enemy doesn’t want me to write.
The reason it hit me is because I had written a post about being a foster mom. Someone had found the blog, and written a bunch of derogatory things about me as a person.
I automatically thought… I need to stop writing about this.
And then I realized that it was the exact opposite of what I need to be doing.
If God has given me the love for writing, and if He has gifted me in it, then it’s exactly what I need to be doing.
But here I am…filled to the ever loving brim with crazy life stuff and I am just not making the time to do one of the main things I feel like God wants me to do.
I even started writing this post 3 times and deleted the entire thing and started again all three times.
I kept thinking… why am I even doing this?
Who is even going to read it?
What does it matter if they do?
And then I recognized the voice.
It wasn’t the voice of the Spirit.
It was the voice of the enemy.
And for all the times I pray for my boys – God! Let them hear your Spirit’s voice louder than any other voice!!
I needed to be praying that for myself!
So the enemy doesn’t want me to write. Because He knows it will bring glory to God and he’s crazy jealous and doesn’t want that.
So that means I need to do it even more.
What does the enemy not want you to do?
Is there something you know you’re supposed to do, but keep putting it off?
Is there a chance you are putting it off because the enemy doesn’t want you to do it?
I need to write more. I know it.
And I know that the enemy is not just sitting there hoping I don’t.
He’s roaming around trying to devour me and confuse me, and distract me, and make me doubt and make me fear.
I need to recognize that and do something about it.
What do you need to do that the enemy doesn’t want you to do?
You need to go and do it.