Fear is a bully: An excerpt from my journal

I feel alone. I know I’m not. I know it’s a lie. The truth is God is real. And He is all I need. I don’t need any other thing, or any other person. He is enough.
But when you’ve been hurt by people so many times, it’s scary to open up again.
Fear is a bully.
It pushes me around. Tells me what to do. What to think.
It tells me lies. It tells me what other people are most likely thinking of me. It tells me that all those negative things I’ve been thinking about myself are true.
It tells me I’m wrong about things and it tells me what my limits are. It tells me the boundaries stop here. Or there. Because that’s how it’s always been.
Fear doesn’t give me hope.
It doesn’t tell me I can do things, it says I can do nothing good. Nothing.
It tells me that I am mediocre in everything I do.
And it doesn’t just whisper these things to me. It screams at me. Loud. Loud and clear.
It makes sense when it talks.

Fear reminds me that girls are the ones who have hurt me the most. That girls can’t be trusted. That they have hurt before and they will have no problem hurting again. Fear shows up every time I meet a new friend, reminding me of the similarities of the ones who have hurt me. It makes me think that there must be a reason so many people don’t like me. It has to be me. There must be something wrong with me. It reminds me of all the things people have said about me, and it tries to convince me that it’s probably all true.
All the lies. All the fakeness. Because that’s what fear does. Fear is a bully.

fearisabully

Pushing me around especially when I am the most weak.
The most tired.
Fear does not wait for me to get energized and recover before it pushes me down again.
It is trying to hold me back. Trying to cripple me. Trying to stop me. Trying to keep God’s best from me. Fear is not from God. Fear is from the enemy.

But Hope. Hope is my anchor. Hope reminds me that it’s not about me in the first place. That everything I am is only because of Jesus. And that Jesus bought me with a price.
I am His, and fear can not touch me, because hope was the gift that God gave me.
It is rightfully mine. Hope shows me that it doesn’t matter what people think of me, or say to me, or say behind my back because I have someone standing before the very presence of God for me. Hope fills me with courage. Fills me with joy. Fills me with peace. A peace that anyone who doesn’t have it could never even understand. Hope gives me complete confidence in my future.
I can hold onto it and it reminds me that there are no limits. That I am more than a conqueror.
That I am loved. I am not alone. I have everything I need. I am complete. Complete in Him.
Hope. Hope overtakes the fear. And it anchors my soul. It brings me to my knees. And it reminds me that God will never. Never. Let me go.
Fear can not hold me.
Hope will sustain me.

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3 thoughts on “Fear is a bully: An excerpt from my journal

  1. I love this! I too can’t fathom the hurt you’ve had to go through! But you are right. Fear is a bully. Fear cannot hold you, hope will sustain you. I love you so much!!!

    Like

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