Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a photographer

I remember the days when my boys were adorable and little. I snapped a million pictures a day. You know the ones…the bath pictures, the sledding pictures, the giggly pictures and the spaghetti face pictures. The lighting was all wrong. The focus was off. The technical details were just bad. But now I have albums filled with tons of “bad” photos that I absolutely adore. I love looking back at them and seeing how much my kids have grown. Remembering Ry with his bowl hair cut and the days AJ was actually shorter than me!

Then I had to go and become a professional photographer. My hard drive is chockablock filled with images of other people’s adorable kids with just the right lighting, great focus and technical goodness. And the pictures of my own kids? Are few and far between. And when I do take them? I almost immediately feel like I can’t post them because people are going to look at them and go…what was she thinking? Those are all wrong!

But ya know what? I need to get back to that. I brought my camera with me to a couple of AJ’s games. And I have to admit, I almost begrudgingly dragged it with me. Thinking…ugh. I have to bring the right lens, and try to be creative with where I am sitting, and then I have to go home and edit them. And what will people think when they see how out of focus everything is? And on and on and on.

It’s weird when you have to remind yourself to CHILL! Just chill. I am a regular old mom, who is going to her son’s game. Sitting in a tiny gym filled with noisy fans all up in my grill. And I am just going to snap some pictures so I don’t forget when my son was in the 8th grade. I want to be able to see him playing with his friends, and then be able to look back at these when he is a senior and say…Look at Nathaniel and Luke! They look so different! And I want to remember what Riley looked like as an 11-year-old. With his tooth just growing in, and his hair all not-done! I just want to remember. And I want to not care what anyone else thinks. I want to take a picture and print it out because it’s that face AJ does when he is laughing the hardest. And it is the expression Riley makes when he is making people laugh. I just want to remember that.

There are days I wish I wasn’t a photographer. I just want to be a mom. Just a mom at her son’s game. So tonight, that is what I was. Just a mom.

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