When I’m back and forth

I started my blog in 2005 back when it wasn’t even really a “thing” yet. I put pictures of my boys, wrote random thoughts and just did it every once in a great while. As things in my life have changed, I have started writing things that are a little bit deeper and I have also added my photography business to the mix.

I have been consistently posting every single week day for over a year and a half, and have only missed 2 days in that time. I love writing, obviously, and I love talking. Again…obviously. I don’t really know exactly why I decided to start blogging every day but I thought it would give me more of a following, and I felt like that was what I wanted. I didn’t want a following for my photography business, although I love my business and photography is definitely a passion of mine. But I really enjoy thinking and analyzing different aspects of life. I also was hoping to gain followers so I could gain friends. And I also wanted to be able to reach people with words of encouragement. Words that give hope.

I love people. No doubt about that. And I love meeting new people, asking millions of questions to them (many people can attest to this!) and just listening.

Because everyone needs someone to listen to them…to hear their voice. Everyone.

 

But there are times when I feel like, who am I to be writing? What do I have to offer? Why would anyone even read what I write? Today, I sat at The Porch and listened to a 13-year-old girl talk for quite a while about her home life. It literally made my heart hurt. The pain and the struggles she has gone through at such a young age is too much. It just feels like it’s too much for one person to handle. I started hearing the voice of the deceiver speak to me and say…See? Why are you in this ministry that deals with people like that? You had a great home life growing up. You have nothing to offer her. She is not even going to take what you say seriously, and why would she? You have nothing to offer.

No, it wasn’t an audible voice, but it was real. And it was strong. And I started to doubt what I even had to say. And then I remembered something. I will never have anything to offer anyone. I’m just me. Rachelle. The loud, obnoxious girl who laughs too loud and talks too much. But I know the one who has everything to offer anyone. It’s the hope of Jesus. It’s the person of Jesus that says – Everyone has value. Everyone has worth. And this girl? I guess that’s what she needed to hear. That she had value. And it wasn’t coming from the voice of a 37-year-old person who had had a pretty easy life in comparison. No. It was from the one who created her. The one who loved her so much that He died for her. And that has more value than anything that can ever come from me.

So I have to be honest here. There are times I go back and forth with the thought of…maybe I’m coming on too strong with my writing. Maybe I’m just being obnoxious with my words. Maybe I should stop using so many ellipses. Should I just post a photo shoot from today? Should I just talk about what we had for lunch, and what new project I am doing at my house and leave the rest of it out? I mean…does it matter? Are people even being affected? Maybe I should just start a personal, close the notebook and call it a day.

And then I have to just go forward. I have to write what is on my heart, and trust that it’s what someone, anyone needs today. So I’m back and forth. Back and forth. It’s hard putting yourself out there. I always have a little bit of fear every time I’m about to hit publish on a post. Because I don’t want people to judge me. I don’t want people to think I’m judging them.

I do want to get to know people. I do want people to know the hope that is in Jesus.

As I voiced some of my fearful thoughts today to my friend Ruthie, she said something that really affected me. The reason my life has gone the way it has, is because my parents did things God’s way, and their family was blessed because of it. Adam and I are doing things God’s way, and my family is blessed because of it. I have the life I have, because God’s way works.

That’s not a sad story, it’s a story of hope. It’s a story that can’t say – I know how you feel, I’ve been there. But it’s a story that can say – You can have this future, this hope, this joy because God’s way works.

Tonight, I was going to post a photo session. But instead I went forth instead of back. (What? I totally always use the word “forth” when I talk, don’t you? ha!)

And I hope that as you are reading this, you remember that no matter what your testimony is, no matter what your life is. You always have the chance to go God’s way and see if it works. Because if you try it? You won’t regret it. If you test it? It won’t fail.

It’s that good.

 

 

 

Advertisements

One thought on “When I’m back and forth

  1. This is perfect. I love your writings. I love reading your thoughts and am always so encouraged by what you share. The study I’m starting starts off talking about our story. Everyone has a story. Big or small. Which is Really Gods story. You have so much to offer. Keep sharing! And keep touching and changing lives. xo

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s