i am…nothing.

i can remember it like it was yesterday.

i was incredibly hot and very thirsty.
i had just climbed up to the top of the citadel in haiti.

there were people everywhere.
my age.
holding up necklaces…that they had made by hand

begging me to buy one more.
we had already bought 5 from other women.

this one woman stands out in my mind, because she was talking so fast, and i could not understand what she was saying, but i of course knew what she wanted.

i had just walked by the places that they call…

i don’t know…

you be the judge.

and i had a hard time even comprehending that a family lived here!

as i closed the door to my car, this woman continued to hold up her beads to my window.

the music that happened to be playing in the car was

amazing love
how can it be
that you, my King would die for me

i couldn’t hold back the tears.
i thought,
i am no different than her!
no different at all.

i wondered if she knew her value.
what the God of creation thought of her!

i still think of her. a lot.

now back to today. 
to reality.
to the place WE call home

 i mean, not me personally.
but..According to the National Association of Home Builders, the average home size in the United States was 2,700 square feet in 2009.

a little bit of a difference?

i have been thinking so much about who i really am.
i of course wrote about my fear of thinking too highly of my photography business and starting to focus on making money, 
when that is so not what life is about.

but i have been thinking even more so about who i really am.
so much of our world today is based on popularity.
sometimes i feel like i am in the 6th grade waiting to be picked in gym class.

you know…how many people are following my blog? how many people have liked my photography page? and on and on it goes.

i have so often looked at other blogs, and thought…really?
how does she have so many people following her blog?
i mean…what does she have to say that is any different from what i have to say?

then i thought this.

why do i get the opportunity to blog for the world to see, when this woman i just talked about will never get to have people hear her thoughts..
her dreams.
her struggles.

it’s not fair.
and so i was reminded.

i am nothing.


who cares how many people read what i write?
this woman has no one reading her thoughts.. 
yet it does not mean that my thoughts are of any more value or importance than hers.

according to james,
yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.

and that is it.

regardless of who you are.
what your status is
who your friends are…
you have no idea what your life is going to be tomorrow.
neither do i.

love others today.
live for God today.

don’t worry about what other people think about you.

because if we all start realizing that we are nothing.
that we need to be putting the needs of others before our own needs
that we are here to bring to glory to God and God alone
not receiving glory for gifts that God himself has given us.

then maybe, 
just maybe.

this world would be a little different.


3 thoughts on “i am…nothing.

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